The Top Ten Reasons Why 50 Bucks Is Well Worth the Price to Punch Jose Canseco

If there is indeed a higher power, and Dante was right about the existence of an Inferno, I believe Jose Canseco has more to worry about in his future than getting stomped by Hong-Man Choi.

That’s not to say thinking about his upcoming fracas with  Choi shouldn’t cause him to wake up in a cold sweat – it should – but given Canseco’s history of abusing women, steroids, hair gel, jewelry and the patience of the sporting public, he should probably worry about a very, very long stint in Hades.

To my way of thinking, there ought to be  a penalty to be paid for abusing your Fifteen Minutes of Fame. In Canseco’s case, I think it should be having ants feast on your shriveled testicles. While you hang upside down trussed with duct tape. Naked. In the lobby of this organization.

1. He is, and always will be, a complete tool
2. He dresses like a Guido
3. He is a rat fink, a squealer and a really shitty teammate
4. Canseco nearly destroyed baseball – singlehandedly
5. His appearances on The Surreal Life reality show caused you to vomit up some Cheetos on your new armchair
6. This photo ->
7. Hell, it’s only $50, a bargain at any price
8. He was thinking about writing a book - and a movie – about himself
9. He likes to beat on women because he’s a douchebag
10. He wants $60 for his book, pimps his daughter on the ordering page, yet will take $50 from anyone to sock him in the head.

I can only add one more thing. I truly hope that the first time Choi takes him down in their match, there’s some accidental digital penetration of the Crim Sex Cond sort to Mr. Canseco’s  person.